


Fracture

by Maone



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Aziraphale Angst, M/M, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 17:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18722056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maone/pseuds/Maone
Summary: There's so much more behind love than just saying the words, but that doesn't mean Aziraphale doesn't ache to hear them.





	Fracture

**Author's Note:**

> you can join my bottom!aziraphale discord server here -----> https://discord.gg/CtDxUGE

He never thought love would end up being so difficult to deal with first hand.

Aziraphale loved Crowley dearly and he felt the demon's feelings were mutual, even if he refused to say them out loud. He could hardly fault him for it, it mustn't have been easy with how limited emotions were for hellish creatures. They were still in the beginnings of their relationship and thus much of what they've done was no different than from before, going out to Ritz, feeding ducks, watching plays - the only obvious addition were the sneaky kisses Crowley would give him every now and then when most observing eyes remained away from them.

He loved Crowley very dearly and always awaited his beloved to come through the door of the bookshop and lay down on the old but comfortable sofa, feet nonchalantly thrown over Aziraphale's lap forcing the angel raise his open book just a little so the cold feet have somewhere to tuck into. Crowley would humm happily and ramble on about his day.

There was absolutely nothing wrong. Not until their significant jobs came in, it was easy to forget one was a supernatural being when in love, at least that's how Aziraphale felt about it anyway, but Heaven and Hell never remained silent for long and so it was that his and Crowley's routine suddenly came to a halt when the time came for deeds.

It was just rather unfortunate that Crowley took an opportunity for his fill of the day when Aziraphale happened to be around. The demon of temptation worked his charm into a young lady's heart at the park, the girl couldn't have been much older than Crowley's body looked, her pale skin curtained by curly blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes that sparkled with kindness and faint blush creeping to her cheeks. His dear was a charmer even when it wasn't his intention, Aziraphale thought about that as he threw another piece of bread to the ducks, doing his best to ignore the conversation behind his back.

"There's nothing wrong with being a tad bold with your art," Crowley said.

"You think so? I'm not sure, the teacher said we have to follow our given template and it's my last chance-" the girl hesitated, but Crowley tutted.

"Exactly, that's what they want you to believe, there're no boundaries to creativity, I'm certain if you take it the path you've been sketching it, you'll pass at the top of the class."

"Oh, well..."

Aziraphale stole a glance at the duo sitting on the bench and saw Crowley point to the girl's sketches with enthusiasm as he worked his best charm to convince her to listen to him. Aziraphale felt this unfamilar dread building up inside him as he looked on. The girl nodded idly and her furrowed brow slowly smoothed out as a smile spread across her cheeks, she hurriedly scratched on the paper, possibly adding something Crowley suggested. After a moment, the girl stood up and shook Crowley's hand.

"Thank you Anthony, you really lifted a heavy weight off my chest with this, it's a miracle when you find someone from the same field just when you need them. Do you come here often? I can show you the finished work when I'm done with it, for you know, final thought?" She suggested hopefuly. Crowley pushed the sunglasses up his nose and Aziraphale felt his stare land straight on him and quickly turned back to the ducks. The odd feeling remained in his mind.

"Sure, I'll be happy to."

Aziraphale's brow furrowed.

"Great! Have a good one and thanks again!" She replied and walked away. Once she did, Aziraphale rejoined Crowley on the bench, the spot still warm from the girl's prolonged presence. Crowley stretched beside him, he made a motion to put his arm around the angel's shoulder but rested it on the top of the bench behind his back instead. Aziraphale shifted, but didn't say anything to the aborted move. Crowley was most likely aware of his mood shift.

"You made no move to thwart me," Crowley said matter of factly.

Aziraphale paused in his thoughts as the realization dawned on him."I-" That's right, he didn't thwart him. Too busy being jealous over a complete stranger that he knew Crowley felt nothing for. His hands twitched with the urge to hide his face from the shame. "Well, I can't thwart everything you end up doing, can I now? Just consider this your deed of the day finished, your folk are more tedious about those than mine," he reasoned, it was a ridiculous excuse and the raise of Crowley's eyebrow said as much, but he wasn't going to just straight up admit he was too distracted to do his job.

"Well, if you say so," Crowley shrugged and Aziraphale let out an internal sigh of relief that he pressed it no further. Crowly promptly stood up and offered his hand to Aziraphale. "Come on, let me tempt you to some lunch." Aziraphale accepted it with a smile.

****

Later on, when Aziraphale returned to the bookshop and Crowley went on to handle some of his own errands, it gave him some time to rethink what happened earlier today. As an angel there were emotions he shouldn't be capable of feeling and while he already talked his way out of the enjoyment of food and drink, something as serious as _jealousy_ wasn't going to be easy to ignore.

There was no particular reason for him to worry about Crowley's feelings for him, while the demon might have been prone to flirtation with others, he didn't appear to be enjoying Aziraphale's company any less. Of course there was the matter of showing affection in public which was still a sensitive matter for the demon and while Aziraphale did his best to coax his partner into at least holding his hand, Crowley would still remain uneasy and shifty of the display. Eventually Aziraphale would give up with a sigh and just walk beside him with his hands in the pockets dejectively and as soon as they'd be somewhere private, Crowley would pull him close and press an apologetic kiss to his lips, removing any doubt from his mind. _Sorry angel, I'm just being cautious, that's all._

Aziraphale still wondered about that, cautious over what? If either side watched them as thoroughly as this, they would have been long punished by now for indulging in as many things as they have, so it couldn't have been Crowley's fear of Hell. Them being both males shouldn't be an issue either, 21st century was much more accepting and they passed many same sex couples that shamelessly expressed their love for another by holding hands, that would be enough for Aziraphale, just hold his beloved's hand, that can't be too much, can it?

 _Could it be something more personal?_ His subconsciousness gnawed.

He recalled seeing Crowley being rather friendly with other people, men or women, whenever he tempted them. Maybe he's worried that by being seen with Aziraphale, it wouldn't be as easy to do his job. The angel wasn't exactly shining example of beauty and did stick out like a sore thumb whenever going out with Crowley who was youthful and attractive beside him.

_It can't be THAT bad, can it?_

He glanced at a nearby mirror. He never really cared much about how his body appeared, so maybe he was a little bit outdated, out of shape and not exceptionally attractive, but neither of them were ever overly concerned with each other's looks.

_Can you be really so sure? He won't even hold your hand._

"He's just being cautious," Aziraphale found himself muttering to the mocking voice in the back of his mind, but his fingers fiddled with the edge of his worn out waistcoat, still staring at his reflection and noticing all those little flaws that never mattered before.

_You wouldn't have been jealous of that pretty young lady if you believed that._

But Crowley loved him.

_Never said so._

Aziraphale's brow furrowed at that, alright, that was a bit too much. He ignored any more thoughts that followed that and decided it was about time to sort through some of his collections. He was just worrying too much about nothing, Crowley just needed the space to adjust to their relationship and Aziraphale was just too demanding. It would be fine, he'd just give him more room.

When Crowley appeared later that night with a bottle of wine and a broad smile, Aziraphale didn't think about it anymore.

"I love you very much, dear" he would say, voice slurred as wine swirled through his system. Crowley would hiccup with a grin on his face and those beautiful serpentine eyes glowing with adoration and he'd pull him in, grabbing the nape of his neck, their noses clumsily bumping until their lips found each other.

Everything was completely fine, even as Aziraphale ran his fingers through Crowley's mess of a hair later as the demon slept pressed against him, limbs enveloping him at angles that looked painful to anyone else, but were probably the most comfortable positions for Crowley.

Yet, there was a small ache in his chest that stubbornly remained.

"It's okay if you can't say it back" he whispered into darkness, his only reply was a soft snore.


End file.
